Oh, 2017. If I can be completely honest here, with you friends, I’d have to say that 2017 was a very…cloudy year for me. As I sit here, ready but less than enthused to reflect back on the year behind me, my mind draws a blank. I, right now, can’t think of some monumental accomplishment or some major life change. Well, aside from turning 30, realizing I’ve been hiding from myself the past 29 years of my life, and uncovering a newfound spiritual path. So…I guess a monumental year after all?
In Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston wrote, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” 2017 was a year of questions. All the questions. All the time. And not an answer in sight…
Looking back, I guess I should have seen this coming. This feeling as I sit here a few days away from the new year, reflecting on all the twists and turns this past one has taken me on–seemingly to no particular destination. I started out fully intending for it to be a year of growth, somewhere along the way realizing that I hadn’t planted any real roots. Not in myself, my work, or where or who I even wanted to grow to be. I pivoted to focus on consistency, thinking that if I made it a point to constantly show up in whatever it is that I was doing, I could eventually achieve the growth I desired. Somewhere along the way dropping projects, changing my mind, becoming paralyzed by analysis (or fear whichever word works) and ultimately realizing I didn’t even know what I wanted to be consistent about.
A year of questions.
Part of me wants to look back through my journal over the year to gain some understanding. Hoping that an answer is hidden amongst journal entries or thoughts in my Notes app or in the pages of my work planner. But, a bigger part of me understands that the insight I’m searching for will only be revealed to me some years down the road. In a year that answers.
As solemn as this all may sound, I’m thankful for it all the same. 2017 was most definitely a discovery year and while I may not have welcomed the questions it brought with open arms, I’m grateful for them now and have learned to see the joy in their presence.
So here’s to 2018. Hopefully, a year that answers but if not, most importantly a year that I’m here to receive the questions at all. ~xoxo
Most Sundays I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.