Full disclosure, this is yet another post about abundance but, I hope you’ll bear with me as I’m trying to move from it being an abstract concept to something I can tangibly explain and hopefully, help you become more aware of its presence in your life. Remember, I’m learning as I grow and growing while I learn. My only goal is to share those lessons along the way with you.
So, can I be honest? Sometimes, I talk really big. Whether in conversations with friends, blog posts here in this space, or even in more sacred places like my journals or quiet meditation sessions. I talk about fear and pushing through it, about taking leaps and keeping faith, about setting intentions and anticipating their manifest. And in my heart of hearts, I’d love to tell you that I practice what I preach without doubt or worry 100% of the time, but that wouldn’t be transparent. That wouldn’t be real. And it certainly wouldn’t be me.
The truth of the matter is, although I speak these affirmations and I believe them to be true, I struggle sometimes in the midst of the work. When the comfortable things are falling apart so that the better things can come together. When I’m questioning my thoughts, my abilities, myself. When it feels like, maybe just maybe, I’m wrong. I struggle with believing the things that I know to be true.
During the latter part of last year, as you’re probably aware, I was dealing with something I couldn’t quite explain, even though I tried many times. Now, in retrospect I see it was a particularly frustrating blend of burnout, dishonesty (with myself), anxiety, and possibly even some depression. There were weeks where I literally couldn’t show up.
“I’m not sure how to fix it, but I recognize it’s there. I feel like I need to make a major change. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach and thoughts about what exactly that change may be have been running wild in my mind.” ~ Feelings
When I became still and quiet with myself, I always received the same message. That it was time to let go of the things that not only weren’t serving me, but were slowly draining me as well.
This terrified me. Because all at once, or more likely in tiny bits that I only processed all at once, every last one of those things–the ones that were draining and not supporting my purpose, were illuminated. And, as I wrote in The Thing You Should Know about Intentions:
I was terrified to let go. I was scared I wouldn’t have enough. That I wouldn’t be able to sustain myself. That I wasn’t capable of more than what I already achieved or had. And looking back, or thinking about it now because these are still very fresh/fluid feelings, I recognize how limiting that mindset is.
At the end of last year, I started to make space in my freelance creative work. I got real with myself. About the things that I want to achieve, the reason I’m doing all of this in the first place, the space that I need to survive/thrive, and the type of work I want to do both professionally and personally. I had to let go of some things in order to make room for those truths to arrive.
And in the process, which is occurring pretty much in real time as I write this, I’ve been affirming my actions and feelings with the mantra: Always enough. It’s what I keep telling myself. Every day. Always enough. Always enough time, space, creativity, love, words, room, money, energy.
And friends, it’s really been enough. Always.
I know that I’m not always the most straightforward and sometimes my posts ramble for days but in the spirit of clarity, let me make this one plain: THERE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH. ~xoxo
Most Sundays I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.