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creative entrepreneur

Self Work

Always Enough

Always Enough
Full disclosure, this is yet another post about abundance but, I hope you’ll bear with me as I’m trying to move from it being an abstract concept to something I can tangibly explain and hopefully, help you become more aware of its presence in your life. Remember, I’m learning as I grow and growing while I learn. My only goal is to share those lessons along the way with you.

So, can I be honest? Sometimes, I talk really big. Whether in conversations with friends, blog posts here in this space, or even in more sacred places like my journals or quiet meditation sessions. I talk about fear and pushing through it, about taking leaps and keeping faith, about setting intentions and anticipating their manifest. And in my heart of hearts, I’d love to tell you that I practice what I preach without doubt or worry 100% of the time, but that wouldn’t be transparent. That wouldn’t be real. And it certainly wouldn’t be me.

The truth of the matter is, although I speak these affirmations and I believe them to be true, I struggle sometimes in the midst of the work. When the comfortable things are falling apart so that the better things can come together. When I’m questioning my thoughts, my abilities, myself. When it feels like, maybe just maybe, I’m wrong. I struggle with believing the things that I know to be true.

During the latter part of last year, as you’re probably aware, I was dealing with something I couldn’t quite explain, even though I tried many times. Now, in retrospect I see it was a particularly frustrating blend of burnout, dishonesty (with myself), anxiety, and possibly even some depression. There were weeks where I literally couldn’t show up.

“I’m not sure how to fix it, but I recognize it’s there. I feel like I need to make a major change. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach and thoughts about what exactly that change may be have been running wild in my mind.” ~ Feelings

When I became still and quiet with myself, I always received the same message. That it was time to let go of the things that not only weren’t serving me, but were slowly draining me as well.

This terrified me. Because all at once, or more likely in tiny bits that I only processed all at once, every last one of those things–the ones that were draining and not supporting my purpose, were illuminated. And, as I wrote in The Thing You Should Know about Intentions:

Always Enough

I was terrified to let go. I was scared I wouldn’t have enough. That I wouldn’t be able to sustain myself. That I wasn’t capable of more than what I already achieved or had. And looking back, or thinking about it now because these are still very fresh/fluid feelings, I recognize how limiting that mindset is.

At the end of last year, I started to make space in my freelance creative work. I got real with myself. About the things that I want to achieve, the reason I’m doing all of this in the first place, the space that I need to survive/thrive, and the type of work I want to do both professionally and personally. I had to let go of some things in order to make room for those truths to arrive.

And in the process, which is occurring pretty much in real time as I write this, I’ve been affirming my actions and feelings with the mantra: Always enough. It’s what I keep telling myself. Every day. Always enough. Always enough time, space, creativity, love, words, room, money, energy.

And friends, it’s really been enough. Always.

I know that I’m not always the most straightforward and sometimes my posts ramble for days but in the spirit of clarity, let me make this one plain: THERE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH. ~xoxo


Most Sundays I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life Work

Do the Thing

Do the Thing
I’ve always been the kind of girl that lives in her thoughts. I guess that’s what makes writing so appealing to me. It’s “acceptable” to live in your thoughts as a writer. That’s what you do. And to be honest, I’ve never really had an issue living there, in the corners of my mind. Living in my mind has always been okay for me because my mind is so colorful, animated. You’d probably never guess by my minimalist-esque style, natural gravitation to calm soothing colors, and lowkey disdain for patterns. But, that’s really only because my mind is so crazy that everything around me has to be solidly, not. So existing, imagining, dreaming, in my head has been okay. It’s nice there.

Until I began to realized how limiting that can be.

I think, I’ve always known this but, there are simply some life lessons that you have to repeatedly encounter until the message is received. Or maybe that’s just me…probably just me. I’m a mess to message kind of girl. But recently, I found myself in a cycle that was far too familiar. So familiar that looking back in my journals, I could probably start to track them and uncover some real pattern. Like moon cycles, planetary positions, something…Idk. I just know that the space wasn’t a foreign one. Even now, I struggle to put a name on or define that space but just know it had a lot to do with feeling creatively blocked, abnormally tired, extremely overwhelmed, and basically unable to do much of anything. It’s like a frozen feeling. Like my body and mind are both simultaneously doing nothing and everything.

It’s a feeling that comes when I’ve been in my head too much.

I was scrolling Twitter when I came across a thread that perfectly articulated what I feel like in these times. The writer mentioned that, to her, creativity is tied to spirituality so whenever she’s dealing with a creative block it is directly related to a spiritual block. I felt this in my spirit because that is EXACTLY how I feel. That whenever I’ve fallen off of my spiritual practice my creativity suffers tremendously and I even feel the physical effects (see abnormally tired) of this block. She also went on to suggest when this happens you should ask yourself questions in order to help clear the block so to speak.

I had been journaling through this so, I had a few the answers already. I knew I needed to journal more because I definitely hadn’t been until I found myself freaking tf out and I knew I needed to pick back up on my meditation practice because it helps quiet my extremely loud and boisterous mind. But most importantly I think, I knew I had to get out of my head.

I’ve called myself a dreamer for as long as I can remember. And at one point in time, I considered that title a positive one. I’ve always been amazed at the grand visions (if you know me, you know I use that term a lot) given to me and I’ve acknowledged that they are bigger and scarier than a lot of people allow themselves to see. So, a dreamer I was.

But the problem with dreaming is, it’s all done in your head.

I have countless things I want to do floating around in my mind, written down in notebooks, and added onto random list apps on my phone. And then I start to think about them. And I think about how much work they would be and how scary they seem and how I wouldn’t even know where to start. Which makes me think more about breaking down the work, analyzing the fears, creating a plan of action. Which makes me think even more about how to accomplish these things, and what would people think if I tried them, and what if I failed. It becomes a perpetual cycle in my mind. And I never I get out of my head. I never do the things.

Staying inside my mind, is hindering me from living in the present moment. From doing the things instead thinking about them. Writing about them. Dreaming about them. And not living in the present moment effects my creativity, spirituality, and consequently, my life. But, I understand that now. And I’m ready to change.

I’m ready to stop dreaming and start manifesting. I’m ready to do the things.


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life Work

What Really Happens When You Do it Afraid

Do it Afraid

When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. ~ Audre Lorde

Last year I took on one of the biggest, scariest, projects of my freelance career so far. From first contact to completion, I was over here on this MacBook shook okay. Now, I know my fear was irrational at the end of the day, but that didn’t make me feel any less scared. That was over a year ago, and since then I’ve taken on new and challenging things, but nothing quite as scary as that. Interestingly enough though, I find myself in that familiar space once again. Where I’m being challenged to do something that is completely out of my comfort zone and yes, scary. To give myself a pep talk I thought back onto this project and reflected on how I overcame my fear. To remind myself–and you–what happens when you do it afraid.

You don’t stop being afraid, you push through.

There is nothing wrong with being scared. I think sometimes we’re so quick to slap a negative connotation to fear and dismiss it. It’s okay to be nervous. It’s just not okay to let that fear or nervousness control you. You can push through even with the fear. That’s essential to know. That fear doesn’t stop you from being able to do something unless you let it.

You acknowledge the “imposter” but you know the real

For this particular instance and many other instances, my fear was rooted in feeling like I wasn’t good enough or doubting myself. Like who I am to do this? Especially with the fact that I created this career for myself, literally, there was no straight path. I’m calling myself something because that’s what I do but somewhere I was seeking that validation. Imposter syndrome is real. But, you gotta let that go. If you were asked, hired, contacted, sought out, approved to do something, it’s because you can. You’ve shown that much or else you would have gotten the polite “No thank you, I’m fine.” You’ll probably always feel like an imposter. I feel like an imposter adult and I’ve technically been doing this thing for 12 years and I’m responsible for three humans so I mean…if that doesn’t tell you something than I don’t know what does!

Get real with the worst case scenario

“But did you die?” Hangover voice. I know it sounds crazy but during the course of this project, when I felt like I literally wasn’t going to make it I looked at the worse case scenario. I’d submit my work and they wouldn’t like it. That was it. There was nothing after that. Sometimes you just have to look your fear straight in the eye, and when you do you realize, it isn’t even that scary after all.

You rest on the knowledge that YOU HAVE THE TOOLS.

If there is one thing that I’ve come to realize as a freelance creative it’s that, my creativity truly is limitless. If something is brought to me, if I envision something, if I think of something, I have the tools to make it happen. And so do you. Rest on that truth when you’re feeling afraid. Rest on the knowledge you are absolutely capable of handling this thing.

Use your power and do it afraid. ~xoxo


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Work

The Dream Work

The Dream Work

I’ve always wanted my writing to help, inspire, empower, or uplift my people. Especially black women. From my creative endeavors–like this blog–to my freelance work, to volunteering in my community, it’s why the majority of my clients are black women entrepreneurs. This was intentional for me from the moment I started to build my career (and blog) and although it’s been a slow and steady grind, it has been worth every moment.

In the past couple of weeks I’ve partnered with a black owned marketing agency, interviewed a black woman entrepreneur that I admire, and joined a team of black women as a wellness writer for a beauty brand. Not to mention my ongoing work as a content strategist and manager for two really dope black woman centered platforms.

I’m literally doing the dream work.

Also, in the past couple weeks, I learned that talking more about how I got here, can help people who are working to do the same. As much as I am about celebrating all victories, I am notorious for downplaying my own when I think about the world of creative people doing so many dope things. It feels like mine are too small to share, so most times I don’t. But, after helping someone discover their path by simply explaining what I’ve learned and what I did, I understand that sharing is really a way to continue that dream work on another layer.

I wish I could tell you some deep, detailed plan to do the work you dream of doing but, that’s not a formula I’ve mastered. Here’s what I do know though:

Think about what it is that you really want to do. I think one of the biggest obstacles to living the lives that we want is that many times, people don’t actually know. I know I didn’t for a long time. And I have moments where I still don’t. There are a lot of reasons for this. Social media being a big one. Too often we associate what “our faves” are doing to what we want to do. Like, if you see that one person drinking mimosas and traveling every weekend for conferences and now you want to as well. Except you don’t even like mimosas or traveling without your family…that’s a disconnect. It’s tough to fight through the noise and work on being still but, it’s essential.

Concentrate on doing more of what you love and less of the rest. I am a mother and I have bills. Not all of my work is sunshine and unicorns, but the majority of it is stuff I truly enjoy. And I’m constantly working on getting as close to “all” as I can. I make a conscious effort to work with companies and businesses in my freelance work that align with my values. And all of my creative endeavors come from a place deep in my heart. Sometimes this comes with a bit of a sacrifice. That dream client might not exactly pay what you’d like but that’s where being really clear on what it is that you want comes into play. You’ll know your boundaries. And also, doing more of what you love attracts more of what you love.

Understand there’s no right way or one way to do things. This is a biggie. For me personally, I’m in an industry where there are a million and one “gurus” and “coaches” that want to tell you that things are this way and this way only and this is how you do it. Except no. That’s not true. If I believed that for even a minute, I’d be still working my job in corporate America right now instead of writing this while my son is running around waiting for us to go outside. You have a unique vision for your life so your path will be unique. Take what you need from people giving advice–even me, shit especially me because I’m still figuring it out–and keep it moving.

Write the vision and keep writing it. Over and over. Allow it to change and grow. Document what you’ve accomplished. Reflect back on what it took to get there. There’s so much to be said about this. I’ve been journaling consistently–leaving that open to interpretation–since 2015 and when I look back at the goals I wrote down then, the things I was learning, the work I was putting it…it’s kind of wild. There are things that are happening now that are exactly what I wrote, two years ago. Not only is writing a spiritual practice (see Habbakuk 2:2) but it’s also an accountability practice. I’m all over the place, all the time, and referencing my writing is centering. It gets me back on track and my head back in the game. Every time.

Practice gratitude daily. Hourly. All day. You are here, you are taking steps, you are breathing, you are living. You are earning, you are learning, you are setting examples. You are loving, you are growing, you are shining. You are blessed, you are loved. That’s the dream life, that’s the dream work. You have got to practice gratitude for all that you have. Major key.

Go forth and do your dream work love. ~xoxo


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me and things I think might resonate with you.