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Life

Abundance

Abundance
Some months ago I wrote a journal entry after meditating on the concept of abundance. A concept that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. Sounds strange, but hear me out. I’ve not struggled with the idea of abundance itself. I embrace it, I yearn for it, I’m intrigued by it. But, I’ve struggle with believing that abundance is already mine. And this struggle has led me to chase so many things that don’t make sense, that I don’t believe in, that don’t align, feed or fuel me in order to obtain it.

But, how do you obtain something that is already yours?

If I’m to understand and believe that my very being is aligned with abundance, then the thing I need to do is follow those things that I’ve been called towards and am pulled to. My personal legend, as named in The Alchemist.

Why is that so scary then? The idea that, you can let go of the things that aren’t serving you, aren’t helping you grow, or aren’t bringing you joy? Why do we feel like, we have to do these things that are so opposite in order to receive the abundance…that we already have? Why do we feel there must be some pain, or sadness, or angst in order to have abundant life? How contradictory.


For me, I sometimes feel torn. Between the truth that my ancestors did not have such choices and the thought that, they fought for me to have such choices so why would I do anything less? It’s a constant battle in my mind trying to figure out if me deciding to wholeheartedly pursue my personal legend is in honor of them, or, a selfish disregard for their experiences.

Most of the time, I rest in the truth that I am here today. And the belief that abundance is mine. And the hope that I’m honoring even the slightest piece of my ancestors struggles by boldly living and walking the paths they laid out for me.

Anything less seems like a travesty.

I mean…that’s all I want for those that come after me. My children and their children and their children. To be able. Whatever that means for them. Not to be whatever this world tries to force them to be. I want only for them, to be able, in the highest sense of the word. And it’s that desire that catches in my throat, illuminating the uncertainties in the corners of my mind.

Will I be able to do it? Without pushing myself to fall in line and do the things that don’t align because they’re “safe”–er. Is this unconventional (to society) path something that will allow me lay a brighter path for them? Will I be able to leave them more than what’s left to me when it’s all said and done? Because isn’t that what we’re all just trying to do?

I have to believe the answer is yes. And I have to believe that the most important things, they have. I have to believe that abundance is theirs too. And maybe, believe the best thing I could do, is to help prevent them from ever feeling this struggle by laying the example. The one that encourages and inspires them to be able and to follow their gifts, curiosities, talents, passions with full confidence that is enough, they are taken care of, and abundance is provided.


Most Sundays I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life Words

Flowers

Flowers
There are many women inside me.
A garden.
Rich with many flowers.
Each one in bloom.
Separate. But together they are whole.
Both beautiful and complex.

Wildflowers.
That grow with reckless abandon.
Taking root wherever they see fit.
In perfect spontaneity.
No intentions or expectations.
Just present for presence sake.

And roses.
Beautiful and delicate.
Armored, so it’s best not to get to close.
Brave ones proceed with caution.
Past the exterior is a softness.
Where you can enjoy them without boundaries.

Herbs.
For nurturing and dependance.
Here simply to serve.
To give the ones they love the things they need.
Without wanting anything in return…
except to be needed and loved.

And weeds.
Hiding in the shadows.
In the spaces that need tending.
Where I’m too nervous to go so I pretend…
Not to see.
But those are the parts that are most free.

The sacred lotus.
Birthed within deep waters.
Exasperatedly requiring a mess in order to grow.
Experiencing many lives.
A spiritual wonder in the midst.
At home in the thick of it all.

And seedlings.
Of flowers unknown.
Whose roots are planted.
And purpose yet to be revealed.
Waiting to flourish,
To join the others in the wild.


Most Sundays I share a letter from my journey with those on my mailing list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

No Dreams Deferred

No Dreams Deferred
This past Sunday, my newsletter was about all the feels I had while watching the Humans of New York series. I’m telling you, for a girl who lives in her feelings, just one episode gave me enough to think about for a lifetime. And while I could make this post about every last one of them, I’ll focus and say that mostly…I thought about how we all have dreams. Shocking right? And you know, contrary to things I say on my blog in moments of deep introspective thought, I’ve always been a dreamer and I’ll always love a good dream. So of course the stories that made me think the most were the ones where people didn’t become who they wanted to be.

I think that’s probably one of my biggest fears. That I’ll never figure it out. That I’ll never “get myself there”, as one New Yorker so eloquently put it.

If I’m creating something, building something, then I’m alive. When I’m not creating something, I’m not alive.

How I want to be remembered is, as someone having achieved their dream. If I haven’t achieved my dream…I don’t deserve to be remembered.

Why do I give up? I lost my energy. I get tired. I get tired of the struggle. I’m not a fighter. That’s why I give up. You gotta be a fighter. You gotta go out there and pitch and sell. You gotta be on.”

~ Humans of New York: The Series Episode 2

I felt this dreamer the most. There was something so familiar in him. An actor who’d imagined he would have made himself a movie star by now. Directing films in Hollywood. Big dreams, us dreamers. And like him, I felt tired. You know, you do have to be fighter. And it can be exhausting. The struggle can be exhausting. But the truth he shared made me understand…I can’t give up. I guess I gotta get out there. And pitch. And sell. I gotta be on. Because like him, I feel alive when I’m creating. And I want to be remembered for me…the girl who chased her dreams…which if you’ve learned anything from me by now you know I believe that that’s quite literally the dream itself.


I’m working on something for us dreamers. If you’ve ever related to any of my posts about chasing dreams, manifesting, and all that good stuff, sign up for my mailing list. I share all the good stuff there first. ~ xoxo



Life

‘Tis the Season

'Tis the Season
Yesterday, I finally made my way into our garage to begin gathering the Christmas decorations. Last year was my absolute favorite tree. Like of all time. We don’t buy real trees around here (yet) and a couple years ago was the first time we got one that wasn’t a cheapie throwaway. This will be our third year using it and each time it keeps getting better. But last year, in particular, it was the best so far. I really wanted our tree to be simple but magical. I wanted it to have that real feel good Christmasy vibe. The boys were in charge of decorating it as usual and my only request was silver and gold with white lights. It was everything I imagined. This year, we’re building on that same theme and adding more holiday home decor things in the mix. You remember my Soulful Spaces post right? Well we’ve made some progress and I’m finding my footing so with the holidays here, I’m excited to see what we create.

Sorting through the decorations felt really good though and started to lift the funk from earlier this week. Ever since I wrote that post, I’ve been thinking about how to lift my spirit. Not just for the holidays, but for life. It’s obvious something is going on but I’m usually such a Christmas girl at heart so the fact that I just wasn’t feeling good has been weighing on me.

'Tis the Season

As I was going through everything, I came across this ornament that made me pause. This cross is probably the most expensive ornament I’ve ever bought. It’s heavy and brass and sits at the top most branch of our tree, right in the front. I got it last year but, I honestly had forgotten about it until that moment. And when I saw it, I immediately felt at peace.

I don’t know when or why I let my mind and body become consumed with all the things of the world. I still can’t tell you exactly what has been making me feel so uneasy but what I can say for sure is that, I definitely have been letting things that don’t matter get in the way of the things that do. This cross was the thing I needed to see to pull me out of the fog and to remember the reason. Peace, love, hope, joy, and all that good stuff. ‘Tis the season.


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

Feelings…

Feelings

Aptly titling this one feelings because I’ve said the word “feel” more times than normal for me. I’m sure you know by now I feel all the things all the time. And so to be fair, this is no different…just more. 

***

I truly was not ready for the holidays this year. If we take it back to October, I was the mom telling my kiddos that we were going to make Halloween costumes and it would be epic. We had plans. Lists and details and all those things. And yet, I found myself rushing down the aisles of Party City on Halloween (cringe) buying the last of a too small minion costume and an over priced lego one. I feel like we had barely finished up the last candy from the very brief walk around the neighborhood (that I basically had to drag myself out of bed to do) before Thanksgiving was here.

I had been toying with the idea of heading to the mountains for the weekend. Ditching the “traditional” thing that’s never really been tradition for me all. Growing up in a blended/broken(?) family means every year, you’re bound to end up somewhere for else for the holidays. I had visions of spending the weekend in a cabin by a fire with the husband, kids, food, and wine. Sounds magical right? But I just thought about it, tricking myself into thinking I had more time than I did. And once it became too late for that to be a reality, or at least, that’s what I told myself, I had settled on just having a small dinner at home. I’ve only cooked Thanksgiving dinner once before and really enjoyed it so it seemed like a good idea. Until there I was the Monday before with no menu, no groceries, and stressed with some work we’re doing on our kitchen. We wound up ditching that plan too.

Now, here I am feeling like Christmas will be here in the blink of an eye. By this time, I typically have up all the decorations, am playing Christmas music all day long, and making plans for the family to enjoy this month. We celebrate Kwanzaa too so the last couple weeks of December are always my favorite. And yet, here I am, feeling like I have been all season, so behind. Unprepared. Not ready.

I’m not sure where the magic has gone this season. I feel like this is just another page in this weird chapter of my life that I’ve been reading.

Maybe it’s perspective. Maybe it’s intentions. Maybe it’s a disconnect. Most likely it’s a combination of the three. Looking at life, my journey, and my present through a jaded lens. Having the wrong intentions behind my actions. And the huge disconnect between what I want and what I actually do. I feel like this has been a season with the recurring message of “doing the most and getting nothing done” or “doing the most and getting nowhere” or “doing the most of the wrong things”.

I’m not sure how to fix it, but I recognize it’s there. I feel like I need to make a major change. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach and thoughts about what exactly that change may be have been running wild in my mind.

I hope none of this sounds ungrateful. The truth of how blessed I am and God’s grace is not lost on me. There’s just something going on beneath the surface that has me feeling a bit lost and I’m praying I find my way soon. For now, I’ll look towards the season of magic and wonder in hopes it’ll light the way.


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

Soulful Spaces: Home

Soul Spaces: Home
It’s funny how creativity works. It’s magical, of course, the way it can manifest in a person. How it shows up in many forms, unique to the individual. For some it’s visuals, others it’s words. And others still it’s art, music, or design. For some unicorns it shows up as all of the above. And for others, one area can can be full of beautiful creativity and another completely absent of it. The last one is me with writing and interior design. I can tell and create these stories that conjure up beautiful images…But translating that same creativity when it comes to actual beauty in my home is next to impossible.

Home. I’ve been thinking about that for awhile. Because our house doesn’t really feel like a home to me. It doesn’t tell our story. It’s not full of warmth. There aren’t any pieces of our lives, memories, or experiences. It doesn’t feel lived in. Doesn’t feel loved.

And for a homebody like me, where home is my sanctuary and sacred space…the disconnect is becoming harder to ignore.

In thinking about how to transform our house into the a home, I have to take a real intentional approach. Because this is not something that comes naturally to me, but it’s something that’s important. I used to approach design the way the professionals do. With labels. Which, if we’re being honest, makes no sense because I’m a person who despises labels. And so it never worked. I could never really see it. But, since I’m much better with words than I am with design, I figured I’d start there. Instead of what style I wanted our home to look like, I asked myself what words come to mind when I think about what I want our home to feel like?

I want our home to embody: Love, Warmth, Soul & Life.

The Colors | I see wood, earth tones against soft white walls. Leafy greens, earthy browns, burnt oranges, and subtle yellow. The occasional pop of color where least expected.

The Details | I see family photos with VSCO A5 vibes. I see plants and lots of them. Soft textures, textiles, and open space. And places for creating, learning, and living.

The Vibe | I see lots of natural light (I’m thankful) and pieces of our life. Travel memoirs and coffee table books for the culture.

That feels good to me. That’s what I want our home to feel like. And with that, I’m off to create our soulful space called home. Know of any designers or shops with home decor I might vibe with? Please let me know, if so. I’ll tell them you sent me. ~xoxo


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me and things I think might resonate with you.



Life

Do the Thing

Do the Thing
I’ve always been the kind of girl that lives in her thoughts. I guess that’s what makes writing so appealing to me. It’s “acceptable” to live in your thoughts as a writer. That’s what you do. And to be honest, I’ve never really had an issue living there, in the corners of my mind. Living in my mind has always been okay for me because my mind is so colorful, animated. You’d probably never guess by my minimalist-esque style, natural gravitation to calm soothing colors, and lowkey disdain for patterns. But, that’s really only because my mind is so crazy that everything around me has to be solidly, not. So existing, imagining, dreaming, in my head has been okay. It’s nice there.

Until I began to realized how limiting that can be.

I think, I’ve always known this but, there are simply some life lessons that you have to repeatedly encounter until the message is received. Or maybe that’s just me…probably just me. I’m a mess to message kind of girl. But recently, I found myself in a cycle that was far too familiar. So familiar that looking back in my journals, I could probably start to track them and uncover some real pattern. Like moon cycles, planetary positions, something…Idk. I just know that the space wasn’t a foreign one. Even now, I struggle to put a name on or define that space but just know it had a lot to do with feeling creatively blocked, abnormally tired, extremely overwhelmed, and basically unable to do much of anything. It’s like a frozen feeling. Like my body and mind are both simultaneously doing nothing and everything.

It’s a feeling that comes when I’ve been in my head too much.

I was scrolling Twitter when I came across a thread that perfectly articulated what I feel like in these times. The writer mentioned that, to her, creativity is tied to spirituality so whenever she’s dealing with a creative block it is directly related to a spiritual block. I felt this in my spirit because that is EXACTLY how I feel. That whenever I’ve fallen off of my spiritual practice my creativity suffers tremendously and I even feel the physical effects (see abnormally tired) of this block. She also went on to suggest when this happens you should ask yourself questions in order to help clear the block so to speak.

I had been journaling through this so, I had a few the answers already. I knew I needed to journal more because I definitely hadn’t been until I found myself freaking tf out and I knew I needed to pick back up on my meditation practice because it helps quiet my extremely loud and boisterous mind. But most importantly I think, I knew I had to get out of my head.

I’ve called myself a dreamer for as long as I can remember. And at one point in time, I considered that title a positive one. I’ve always been amazed at the grand visions (if you know me, you know I use that term a lot) given to me and I’ve acknowledged that they are bigger and scarier than a lot of people allow themselves to see. So, a dreamer I was.

But the problem with dreaming is, it’s all done in your head.

I have countless things I want to do floating around in my mind, written down in notebooks, and added onto random list apps on my phone. And then I start to think about them. And I think about how much work they would be and how scary they seem and how I wouldn’t even know where to start. Which makes me think more about breaking down the work, analyzing the fears, creating a plan of action. Which makes me think even more about how to accomplish these things, and what would people think if I tried them, and what if I failed. It becomes a perpetual cycle in my mind. And I never I get out of my head. I never do the things.

Staying inside my mind, is hindering me from living in the present moment. From doing the things instead thinking about them. Writing about them. Dreaming about them. And not living in the present moment effects my creativity, spirituality, and consequently, my life. But, I understand that now. And I’m ready to change.

I’m ready to stop dreaming and start manifesting. I’m ready to do the things.


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

Writing Like Nobody’s Reading

Writing Like Nobody's Reading

I’ve been debating this decision for months now. To NaNoWriMo or nah. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, NaNoWriMo is where writers around the world commit to writing 50k words for their novel/book/series/etc in the month of November. If you’ve read anything I’ve written in the past couple months, you know I’ve been in a space when it comes to my writing and creativity and I’ve finally decided that NaNoWriMo is something I need to do. And I’m excited. In preparation for the month ahead, I felt the need to empty my current thoughts and fears on writing, being a writer, and why I must keep. going.

***

Deep down, I’m nervous that I might not be able to do it. That I have so many words inside me to say but I’ll never be able to straighten them up, pull them together, and make them presentable for consumption. That, as hard as I try to sort through the mazes of my mind, the chambers of my heart, and the depths of my soul, I’ll find too much and not enough at the same time.

I’m nervous that it isn’t pretty. That the edges aren’t clean and neat. And the corners are filled with too much. That I’ll never be the “carefree black girl” aesthetic and there is no filter to blur the mess. That, as hard as I try to make it look nice, it’s wild and it’s rough. And because of it, the message won’t be received.

I’m nervous that it isn’t profound. That it’s all been said and done before. That these grand epiphanies aren’t so grand after all. That as deep as I feel it’s still all very surface level, cliche even, and the only thing different about my thoughts…is the vessel in which they come through. Me.

I’m nervous that it doesn’t make sense. That I’m not eloquent or poetic enough to deliver the thoughts stirring in my body. That my creativity doesn’t expand past stringing together a few well placed sentences for a blog post or a tweet. That a cohesive piece of work, or presence, or dare I say it brand {shudders} is beyond my reach.

I’m nervous that I’ll never find my place. That there’s no space for the girl who is bold, love, and light and quiet, anxious, and dark depending on the day…or the hour. The one’s whose words aren’t accompanied by a soft voice and a warm smile. That my hard outer shell and resting bitch face aren’t just my body but who I am. A cancerian to my core.

I’m nervous that as hard as I try to remember for who and why I do this, I won’t be able to overcome the feelings of doubt. That I won’t understand the difference between their validity (allowing myself to feel) and their truth (convincing myself they aren’t facts).

Because the truth of the matter is, I just want to be heard. And accepted and recognized. Transparency. But it is these desires that live in the same place as my fears so in order to be fearless…I must release them both.

“They say” dance like nobody’s watching, but I’ve never been a dancer. So instead, I’ll write like nobody’s reading. In November…and beyond.

Life

Why I Write

Why I Write
In Big Magic, author Elizabeth Gilbert warns about creating to help other people. To be exact she writes:

You are not required to save the world with your creativity…I would prefer that you made your art in order to save yourself, or to relieve yourself of some great psychic burden, rather than to save or relieve us. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

She goes on to give multiple reasonings behind this warning citing the misguided notion of living for others, the joy in creating to entertain yourself, and most notably pointing out that she wrote a travel memoir in order to make sense of her own journey. And we all know how that turned out.

For some time now, I’d say at the very least the past year or so, I’ve felt like I’ve been running around in circles when it comes to figuring out what to do with all these things I have inside. The thoughts, the ideas, the stories waiting to be told. And I don’t think I’ve realized (as clear as I do now) that the trying to connect the dots, the trying to make meaning of what I’m doing, and figuring out what I can do to ensure it can help someone, is the very thing that has been holding me back.

Your art not only doesn’t have to be original, in other words; it also doesn’t have to be important. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

I’m certain I actually discovered this before but, I’m not sure it ever took root in my mind. The reality that I absolutely can (and should) blog, and journal, and create, and write that book simply because it’s something I want to do.
Why I write
I sat down today to write a blog post that I wanted to be helpful. I thought to myself: I’ve been writing a lot about my personal life and lessons I’ve been learning so let me write something that can be really informational and helpful to others. But the reality is (I already do that in my freelance work) BUT more importantly…I write to save, understand, make sense of, document, and discover myself. And:

If what I’ve written here ends up help you, that’s great, and I will be glad. That would be a wonderful side effect. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

So tell me, why do you create?

Life

On Tending Your Own Garden

Tending your garden
Yesterday, I posted a piece of work that was essentially me brimming to the edge with creative revelation, energy, and needing to express all that was bubbling within before I burst. It was random, as those kind of posts usually are, but unlike my last stream of thoughts, I provided no explanation as I felt my words alone would suffice. Today though, as my mind has settled and I have come to terms with my thoughts and feelings, I’d like to dig deeper.

***

Earlier this week, I had lunch and a cup of coffee with my best friend. Our goal was to get outside our normal work environments–my home and her office–to discuss creative life, building businesses, and chasing dreams. Instead, it was a therapy session of sorts that was full of epiphanies and  revelations about myself, the path I thought I wanted to explore, and a truth I’d been afraid to admit to myself. Both my conversation with her and an even more “spirited” dialogue with my husband earlier that morning, led to me to uncover some feelings that I couldn’t quite explain on my own. They were stirring, just below the surface, under the facade of feeling good and appearing outwardly successful. Behind the curtain of Instagram bios and professional titles. There was a restless anxiety that I never let myself explore for reasons I’ll explain in a moment. 

What I discovered that day was that I was feeling resentful. And as much as I want to add the “for lack of a better word” here, the truth is what it is. 

So how did I get here? Well, if you get my newsletter you have a little insight into this current season of my life (for context, you can see it here and subscribe if you’d like). I’ve been approaching creative burnout for some time, whether I wanted to admit that to myself or not. And not only was I feeling the physical and emotional effects of burnout, but I also wasn’t seeing any fruits from this labor that was causing me so much stress. 

I had been hustling backwards and grinding hard for everyone except for myself.

It took me some time to actually verbalize that. My nature as a true nurturer has always caused me to place the needs of others before my own. And somewhere, deep down, I had feelings of guilt or selfishness at the thought of focusing on me, myself, and the creations I wanted to bring into this world.

I had begun to feel resentful, and it was no ones fault but my own.

Crops was me expressing those feelings. And while I will say, I am not proud of feeling them, I am glad they were revealed to me. I’ve been able to peel back the layers in understanding the deeper issues that created them. This false belief that it’s…not okay to use the gifts God’s blessed me with for myself. It’s still a battle in my mind. There are parts of me that want to apologize. Parts of me that don’t want to come across as selfish. I blame it on the nurturer in me but I know there are things imbedded deeper still. But there’s a greater part of me that assures me this is right and that’s the voice I choose to listen too. It’s time to tend my own garden. ~xoxo


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

Crops

Crops
I have spent lifetimes
watering the seeds that others have planted.
And witnessed harvests.
I’ve collected and hunted.
I’ve shared and I’ve curated.

Content.

I have spent lifetimes
tending to the gardens that others have sown.
And witnessed beauty.
I’ve planted and plotted.
I’ve dug deep and I’ve worked hard.

Uneasy.

I have spent lifetimes
nurturing the roots that others have put down.
And witnessed growth.
I’ve built and sustained.
I’ve cultivated and I’ve created.

Awakening.

I have spent lifetimes.
leaving my own seeds untended.
And witnessed pain.
I’ve ignored and deferred.
I’ve withdrawn and I’ve avoided.

Sad.

I have spent lifetimes
overlooking a barren land.
And witnessed understanding.
I’ve gathered and culled.
I’ve watered and I’ve produced.

Birth.

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Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

Choosing Intentional Abundance

Intentional Abundance
Over the summer, I shared some thoughts that I was having about minimalism. That post was born of frustration and exhaustion at all the stuff I’d found myself surrounded with. I was tired. Tired of the endless piles of clothing that no one actually wears, the catchall drawers full of random, the papers and the cups, the millions of basketball shirts (sorry hubs) and everything else that had found its way into our home. It was driving me crazy and so, looking for some kind of relief, I began to think about the minimalist movement and consider what that might look like for our life.

But when I started to think about things on a personal level, my struggle was less about minimalism and more about intention. And even more so about another major theme in my life: Abundance. I exist in a space of abundance. It’s one of my self-affirmations: I live in the space where grace and abundance reside. For me, it’s not about less. My intention is to surround myself abundantly with things that matter. Love, family, friends, books that resonate, pieces from artisans, artwork from our travels, life, soul, work that stirs my heart. I attract all of that into my life and I’m thankful for it.
Grace and abundance

I choose intentional abundance and to manifest that, it does mean we have to declutter, let go of the things that aren’t serving us, get rid of the meaningless mess. To allow space. Abundant space, that can allow for a clear mind and creative energy to flow. Or, to fill with love and light to do more of the same.

Be intentional friends…And live in abundance. ~ xoxo

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Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

Journeying

Journeying

Everyday, I am becoming. I am in constant bloom. And that’s who I am. A masterful work in progress. All the days of my life.

I’m learning that feeding my spirit on this journey is very much like feeding my body. I research foods, pay attention to how things make me feel, am intentional about what I’m putting in. I feel better, more energized, lighter. But the moment I divert from this path, I feel so much worse than I did before. Like the taste of all that is good and well has redefined all that isn’t.

When I fall off my spiritual practice my soul feels just like that. It’s been opened and awakened. It knows what good energy, positive thinking, love, and light feels like and what it can do in my life. Falling backwards feels so much worse now.

My words were flowing the way I needed them to. My visuals were reflecting how I felt inside. I was attracting work and opportunities that align with my intentions. Meditation and creative visualization were making their appearances in my daily routine. I was writing and becoming. Being still and observing. And then…

Restlessness abounds. And I immediately realize that, practicing meditation, being still, prayer, and journaling had dwindled, succumbing to the busyness of daily life, work and family, paying bills and adult realities. Taking the time to write and pray and meditate had become non-existent. And I just read somewhere, multiple places actually, that you can never be too busy to pray. Message received.

I am understanding that, this road of self discovery and aligning with my purpose is constant. That it requires daily practice and showing up. Every day. You have to embrace this with every ounce of you. Continually listen. Continually show up for you. And when you start to feel and witness the growth, that’s the moment where we stop because we think the work is done.

Keep going. Keep journeying. Keep discovering. There’s so much growing, living, and journeying to do. ~xoxo


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

Whoever You Are, Just Be That

Whoever You Are

“For a long time I defined myself by what I wasn’t. Which constantly set me up for failure and disappointment. My life changed when I focused on what I was, what I was good at, what I liked most about myself, and what made me stand out.” ~ Issa Rae

You know how when you finally notice something, it shows up everywhere in your life? Like, you can barely decipher whether these things have always been there or is it now that you’re aware, you just notice them more. That’s currently my life with self-discovery and learning to love, embrace, and just be all the layers of me.

While watching the annual celebration of black girl magic this week, Black Girls Rock, that experience has never been more prevalent. It seemed like every black girl that stepped on that stage had something to say about just being yourself. From Yara to Solange to Issa…it was all about embracing who you truly are. But it was Issa’s speech that stuck out to me the most. She talked about the moments where she learned that she’d never be cool enough, pretty enough, or funny enough. And how her definition of herself was built on the things that she wasn’t. This resonated with me to the core because girl, have I been there.

On this journey of learning to just be me, I constantly fall into the cycle of defining myself by what I’m not. I’m not business savvy enough, I’m not deep enough, I’m not woke enough, I’m not poetic enough, I don’t hustle enough, I don’t write enough…and this cycle always ends up at the same thought. That I’m not enough.

“This constantly set me up for failure and disappointment.”

If there is one thing I have learned on this journey that has impacted me the most so far, it’s that who you are, truly, is enough. And your purpose on this earth is to be that person. Because that person is exactly what this world needs. ~xoxo


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.



Life

What Really Happens When You Do it Afraid

Do it Afraid

When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. ~ Audre Lorde

Last year I took on one of the biggest, scariest, projects of my freelance career so far. From first contact to completion, I was over here on this MacBook shook okay. Now, I know my fear was irrational at the end of the day, but that didn’t make me feel any less scared. That was over a year ago, and since then I’ve taken on new and challenging things, but nothing quite as scary as that. Interestingly enough though, I find myself in that familiar space once again. Where I’m being challenged to do something that is completely out of my comfort zone and yes, scary. To give myself a pep talk I thought back onto this project and reflected on how I overcame my fear. To remind myself–and you–what happens when you do it afraid.

You don’t stop being afraid, you push through.

There is nothing wrong with being scared. I think sometimes we’re so quick to slap a negative connotation to fear and dismiss it. It’s okay to be nervous. It’s just not okay to let that fear or nervousness control you. You can push through even with the fear. That’s essential to know. That fear doesn’t stop you from being able to do something unless you let it.

You acknowledge the “imposter” but you know the real

For this particular instance and many other instances, my fear was rooted in feeling like I wasn’t good enough or doubting myself. Like who I am to do this? Especially with the fact that I created this career for myself, literally, there was no straight path. I’m calling myself something because that’s what I do but somewhere I was seeking that validation. Imposter syndrome is real. But, you gotta let that go. If you were asked, hired, contacted, sought out, approved to do something, it’s because you can. You’ve shown that much or else you would have gotten the polite “No thank you, I’m fine.” You’ll probably always feel like an imposter. I feel like an imposter adult and I’ve technically been doing this thing for 12 years and I’m responsible for three humans so I mean…if that doesn’t tell you something than I don’t know what does!

Get real with the worst case scenario

“But did you die?” Hangover voice. I know it sounds crazy but during the course of this project, when I felt like I literally wasn’t going to make it I looked at the worse case scenario. I’d submit my work and they wouldn’t like it. That was it. There was nothing after that. Sometimes you just have to look your fear straight in the eye, and when you do you realize, it isn’t even that scary after all.

You rest on the knowledge that YOU HAVE THE TOOLS.

If there is one thing that I’ve come to realize as a freelance creative it’s that, my creativity truly is limitless. If something is brought to me, if I envision something, if I think of something, I have the tools to make it happen. And so do you. Rest on that truth when you’re feeling afraid. Rest on the knowledge you are absolutely capable of handling this thing.

Use your power and do it afraid. ~xoxo


Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.