Some months ago I wrote a journal entry after meditating on the concept of abundance. A concept that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. Sounds strange, but hear me out. I’ve not struggled with the idea of abundance itself. I embrace it, I yearn for it, I’m intrigued by it. But, I’ve struggle with believing that abundance is already mine. And this struggle has led me to chase so many things that don’t make sense, that I don’t believe in, that don’t align, feed or fuel me in order to obtain it.
But, how do you obtain something that is already yours?
If I’m to understand and believe that my very being is aligned with abundance, then the thing I need to do is follow those things that I’ve been called towards and am pulled to. My personal legend, as named in The Alchemist.
Why is that so scary then? The idea that, you can let go of the things that aren’t serving you, aren’t helping you grow, or aren’t bringing you joy? Why do we feel like, we have to do these things that are so opposite in order to receive the abundance…that we already have? Why do we feel there must be some pain, or sadness, or angst in order to have abundant life? How contradictory.
For me, I sometimes feel torn. Between the truth that my ancestors did not have such choices and the thought that, they fought for me to have such choices so why would I do anything less? It’s a constant battle in my mind trying to figure out if me deciding to wholeheartedly pursue my personal legend is in honor of them, or, a selfish disregard for their experiences.
Most of the time, I rest in the truth that I am here today. And the belief that abundance is mine. And the hope that I’m honoring even the slightest piece of my ancestors struggles by boldly living and walking the paths they laid out for me.
Anything less seems like a travesty.
I mean…that’s all I want for those that come after me. My children and their children and their children. To be able. Whatever that means for them. Not to be whatever this world tries to force them to be. I want only for them, to be able, in the highest sense of the word. And it’s that desire that catches in my throat, illuminating the uncertainties in the corners of my mind.
Will I be able to do it? Without pushing myself to fall in line and do the things that don’t align because they’re “safe”–er. Is this unconventional (to society) path something that will allow me lay a brighter path for them? Will I be able to leave them more than what’s left to me when it’s all said and done? Because isn’t that what we’re all just trying to do?
I have to believe the answer is yes. And I have to believe that the most important things, they have. I have to believe that abundance is theirs too. And maybe, believe the best thing I could do, is to help prevent them from ever feeling this struggle by laying the example. The one that encourages and inspires them to be able and to follow their gifts, curiosities, talents, passions with full confidence that is enough, they are taken care of, and abundance is provided.
Most Sundays I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.