I’ve always been the kind of girl that lives in her thoughts. I guess that’s what makes writing so appealing to me. It’s “acceptable” to live in your thoughts as a writer. That’s what you do. And to be honest, I’ve never really had an issue living there, in the corners of my mind. Living in my mind has always been okay for me because my mind is so colorful, animated. You’d probably never guess by my minimalist-esque style, natural gravitation to calm soothing colors, and lowkey disdain for patterns. But, that’s really only because my mind is so crazy that everything around me has to be solidly, not. So existing, imagining, dreaming, in my head has been okay. It’s nice there.
Until I began to realized how limiting that can be.
I think, I’ve always known this but, there are simply some life lessons that you have to repeatedly encounter until the message is received. Or maybe that’s just me…probably just me. I’m a mess to message kind of girl. But recently, I found myself in a cycle that was far too familiar. So familiar that looking back in my journals, I could probably start to track them and uncover some real pattern. Like moon cycles, planetary positions, something…Idk. I just know that the space wasn’t a foreign one. Even now, I struggle to put a name on or define that space but just know it had a lot to do with feeling creatively blocked, abnormally tired, extremely overwhelmed, and basically unable to do much of anything. It’s like a frozen feeling. Like my body and mind are both simultaneously doing nothing and everything.
It’s a feeling that comes when I’ve been in my head too much.
I was scrolling Twitter when I came across a thread that perfectly articulated what I feel like in these times. The writer mentioned that, to her, creativity is tied to spirituality so whenever she’s dealing with a creative block it is directly related to a spiritual block. I felt this in my spirit because that is EXACTLY how I feel. That whenever I’ve fallen off of my spiritual practice my creativity suffers tremendously and I even feel the physical effects (see abnormally tired) of this block. She also went on to suggest when this happens you should ask yourself questions in order to help clear the block so to speak.
I had been journaling through this so, I had a few the answers already. I knew I needed to journal more because I definitely hadn’t been until I found myself freaking tf out and I knew I needed to pick back up on my meditation practice because it helps quiet my extremely loud and boisterous mind. But most importantly I think, I knew I had to get out of my head.
I’ve called myself a dreamer for as long as I can remember. And at one point in time, I considered that title a positive one. I’ve always been amazed at the grand visions (if you know me, you know I use that term a lot) given to me and I’ve acknowledged that they are bigger and scarier than a lot of people allow themselves to see. So, a dreamer I was.
But the problem with dreaming is, it’s all done in your head.
I have countless things I want to do floating around in my mind, written down in notebooks, and added onto random list apps on my phone. And then I start to think about them. And I think about how much work they would be and how scary they seem and how I wouldn’t even know where to start. Which makes me think more about breaking down the work, analyzing the fears, creating a plan of action. Which makes me think even more about how to accomplish these things, and what would people think if I tried them, and what if I failed. It becomes a perpetual cycle in my mind. And I never I get out of my head. I never do the things.
Staying inside my mind, is hindering me from living in the present moment. From doing the things instead thinking about them. Writing about them. Dreaming about them. And not living in the present moment effects my creativity, spirituality, and consequently, my life. But, I understand that now. And I’m ready to change.
I’m ready to stop dreaming and start manifesting. I’m ready to do the things.
Every Sunday I share a letter from my journey with those on my email list. WELL SPENT is part things I’ve come across that inspire me, things I think might resonate with you, and a lesson from the journey.