I do too much. And not like “Oh, I just you know have a lot going on”, but more like I literally do so many things that sometimes I feel like I couldn’t possibility be doing any of them any good. At least, this is what plays in my head most days. The days when I’m doing any mixture of the things (writing, blogging, managing, creating, assisting) that I do to support my family and live the kind of life I’ve always wanted to live.
That life for me looks like being able to work from home, exploring my passions, exercising my creativity, having flexibility with my time, being present and able to watch my boys grow up, supporting my husband, and being actively involved in my church and community. That’s what I’m doing this all for. All the things that I do. And it’s working. Although it seems pretty obvious, when I write it out like that, it took me awhile to realize this. On a superficial surface, where we’re surrounded by highlight reels of everyone else’s lives, what I’ve accomplished seems small. Even writing that makes me feel lowkey ashamed because I know nothing I’ve accomplished thus far is small but it’s important for me to be real here.
Living a life so opposite from…well everyone I know…both IRL (in real life) and online, the comparison struggle can get real. Not having a traditional job means there aren’t any reviews, promotions, or titles to back me up. Not being a hustle all day, grind all night entrepreneur (and having absolutely no desire to live that life) can leave me feeling a little, average(?). And not being a super niche, uber focused, expert at anything makes it hard for me to really find my place.
I’m just trying to be great. But how do you define great, when nothing that “they say” is great…looks like what you want…or have?
The answer to this question, came in the most random way, and was from myself. Go figure. Recently, I was featured in an article on Essence.com (major) and it was an AHA moment for real. But not for the reason you think. The feature was about marriage, something I never write about, but something that is super important to me. In it, I shared my advice on being happily married noting one key tip: “define what a perfect marriage looks like FOR YOU”. So my first feature on a major platform had absolutely nothing to do with my work (you know, because I thought I needed that to be great, wrong) and yet held the very key I’ve been searching for this whole time.
DEFINE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE FOR YOU. Define what makes you feel great and hold on to that. Don’t let the experts, the instagram posts, or anyone else define it for you. My great might not look like your great or the next person’s great. My great doesn’t come with a fancy title. My great doesn’t mean 50 hour work weeks. My great doesn’t look like catching flights and fancy dinners. Some days my great literally looks like preschool lessons in between writing articles. Or should I say articles in between preschool lessons because we all know my threenager runs the show around here. My point is, this is what looks and feels good to me. And defining my great means I’m good with that.~xoxo